When you find unwanted growths on your body, sometimes your insurance will cover their removal. Not, alas, in my case. I am raising funds for a mastectomy, and I need your (yes, YOUR) help!
Many people are creative and brilliant and offer wonderful rewards for the heroes who contribute to their fundraisers. Unfortunately, I have no skills at all outside of wallowing in existential angst, being pretentious, and watching too much TV, so my rewards are mostly YouTube videos.
$5 – a video dedicated to you in which I tell an old but hilarious joke
$10 – a dramatic reading of a limerick written by me about you
$20 – a one-man performance of a television theme song of your choice
$50 – a dramatic reading of a scene from William Shakespeare’s Star Wars (your choice of scene from episodes IV-VI)
$100 – an original rap on the topic of your choice (guaranteed to be terrible; hopefully also entertaining)
$250 – a one-man creative reenactment of the YouTube video of your choice
$500 – a piece of erotic friendfiction about you and the fictional character(s) of your choice, EITHER 1500 words typed OR a shorter piece read aloud in a 5-minute video
$1000 – I will go ice skating, have a friend record footage of me falling on my ass, and post the video on YouTube for all to see
If you have already donated and would like to claim the reward at the appropriate level, PM me. Otherwise, please specify your choice of TV theme / Star Wars scene / rap topic / YouTube video / fictional character in the “note” section when you donate.
Thank you so much for all your help!